Why this universe does not take place according to my choice . . .

Wondering about why Jesus and St. John were suffering so much, and if they had a choice why they choose to suffer, until came across this…

Why this universe does not take place according to my choice . . .
“You desire for something, it does not happen . . . are you Shiva?
I don’t like this kind of Shiva who is dependent always, i.e. desiring something, and no hope for achievement of that desire.
If you say like that if I would have been Shiva then let this whole universe take place according to my choice; acha, if you say that, to whom do you attribute this kind of question?
Do you adjust this kind of question to Shiva or to your body, tell me that first?
I’ll answer to this point; “do you attribute this question to Shiva, or to your body?”
Why this universe does not take place according to my choice . . . who is my? Do you attribute this my to Shiva or to your body?
If you attribute this to Shiva, Shiva has, Shiva does behave like that. It is the choice of Shiva that this universe is created, protected, destroyed, concealed and revealed. But if you attribute this question to your body, this ego you’ll adjust to your body that, “this (body) must create” (but) this cannot create. Body is already created by Shiva. So you must not adjust your ego to the body, you must adjust your ego to Shiva.
Have you understood?
That is the point to be understood.
If you attribute this kind of question to your body, then it won’t be answered–it won’t be answered. Because the body is already body, it is created substance, it is not your Self. Your Self is Shiva. You should adjust this question to Shiva; Shiva has, Shiva creates according to his choice.
Now this is the choice of the body, (that) thunderbolt must not fall. This is the choice of not Shiva, because Shiva won’t die by thunderbolt. Body will die.
So you should not attribute this kind of question to Shiva; you are putting this question in the wrong way.
I think you have understood now.”
(Tantraloka (14v29,30) Swami Lakshmanjoo, audio archive of the Universal Shaiva Fellowship)